If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
