sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
