is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
