ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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