So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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