A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
wow bdsm is so cute
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
