oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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