I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
