Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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