She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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