on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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