you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
