I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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