I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
