It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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