I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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