I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
