New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
