Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
This can only be settled by a dance off.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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