The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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