I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you inspire me to be a worse person
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
