Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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