What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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