If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
