I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
