dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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