It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
