Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
