I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
