Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
