how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
