im having a threesome with these popsicles
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
