Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
