ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
