this beer tastes like vomit already
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
