does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
