god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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