I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
