i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
