People with herpes should wear stickers.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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