halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
