Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
