My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
