none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
