Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
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The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
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She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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