$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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