What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
