Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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