I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm like, not good at living.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
