pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
