you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
