I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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