girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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