she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
