I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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