Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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