I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
