There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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