I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
