This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
