Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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