What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
