I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
