You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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