It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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