My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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