Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
