Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
