Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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