I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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