I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
