you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She bit a glass in half.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
