I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
